Hellafied Gangsta Lean

A Tumblr Blog by @ramzy
Getting funky on the mic like an old batch of collared greens
  • September 28, 2011 1:30 pm

    ESPN’s 30 for 30 Series: One-Sentence Reviews


    1. King’s Ransom: Canada traded its winter Jesus to Sodom & Gomorrah in exchange for rapidly-declining currency.

    2. The Band That Wouldn’t Die: Losing your beloved NFL team to an undeserving town is complete bullshit up until you pull the same stunt on another town, which then makes it okay.

    3. Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL?:  Do not fuck with the NFL.

    4. Muhammad and Larry: The easiest way to get Parkinson’s is to get punched in the head repeatedly until - BAM - Parkinson’s.

    5. Without Bias: The Vitamin C of the 1980s did not prevent scurvy.

    6. The Legend of Jimmy the Greek: It wasn’t offensive when Chris Rock said it, and it was waaaaaaaay funnier.

    7. The U: With all respect to Jonas Salk, you can cure Polio and a wide variety of other devastating ailments with Swagger.

    8. Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks: Back in 1994 before tattoos were invented, NBA players relied solely on being beyotches for self-expression.

    9. Guru of Go: Defense is boring.

    10. No Crossover: The Trial of Allen Iverson: Attention whores are often quite successful at attracting drama.

    11. Silly Little Game: Sometimes nerds forget to monetize and trademark their ideas.

    12. Run Ricky Run: Puff Puff Pass Run Quit Return.

    13. The 16th Man: Apartheid was effectively eradicated when Morgan Freeman galvanized the South African rugby team.

    14. Straight Outta LA: Athletes really want to be rappers, rappers really want to be athletes, all of them are rich and some of them get shot or injured.

    15. June 17, 1994: You picked the wrongest day ever to be away from the television.

    16. The Two Escobars: You picked the wrongest era ever to be from Columbia.

    17. The Birth of Big Air: Most of us learn how to ride a bike by the age of seven, but then we go on to other things while others stay seven forever.

    18. Jordan Rides the Bus: The elixir of ego, compulsion, addiction and entitlement is as powerful as meth but less corrosive to dental work.

    19. Little Big Men: Sometimes your life peaks in grade school.

    20. One Night in Vegas: "Can’t C Me" was a great song but factually inaccurate.

    21. Unmatched: Cold War metaphors and anxieties extended all the way into women’s tennis.

    22. The House of Steinbrenner: With the right farm league, front office management, unhealthy ambition and more money than several Asian economies you too can build a winner just as long as you hate hippies.

    23. Into the Wind: Terry Fox had one leg and 17 hearts.

    24. Four Days in October: ESPN’s daily obsession across all of its platforms with the Red Sox and the Yankees was not enough, so a film was made.

    25. Once Brothers: Yugoslavia, when it existed, gave the world terrible automobiles and awesome basketball players.

    26. Tim Richmond: To the Limit: If Eazy-E drove stock cars, he’d be Tim Richmond.

    27. Fernando Nation: When the LA Dodgers have a superstar, their fans actually show up prior to the fourth inning and stay beyond the seventh.

    28. Marion Jones: Press Pause: Your own fabricated testimony will get its lyin’ ass kicked by a drug test every single time.

    29. The Best That Never Was: College football is the most awesome thing in the world ever, even when it isn’t.

    30. Pony Exce$$: Sometimes a booming Texas economy, unlimited ambition, systemic disdain for the rules and the relentless desire to win results in Craig James being a giant douche forever.

    31. The Fab Five: Michigan basketball was far more relevant when its players were making six figures.

    32. Catching Hell: Red Sox the 2003 Chicago Cubs Red Sox came so close to Red Sox the World Series Red Sox if not for a Red Sox foul ball that Red Sox may or may not have Boston’d the course of history.

    1. chillicheeseburrito reblogged this from hellafiedgangstalean
    2. zachrieger reblogged this from hellafiedgangstalean
    3. sportsbrain reblogged this from hellafiedgangstalean and added:
      Pretty damn good!
    4. flagonthemoon reblogged this from hellafiedgangstalean
    5. hellafiedgangstalean posted this